Pennsylvanians Clearly Not Ready for Six-Foot Comic Banana

From the AP (Associated Peel):

Hard rock comic C.C. Banana slipped into the Comedy Cabaret in Bucks County this past Friday and Saturday, at the request of Howard Stern's resident celebrity impersonator Craig Gass. Craig had read with great fascination C.C. Banana's recent tour diary at the Metal Sludge website, commenting, "I laughed so hard I almost farted!" So flattered was C.C. by Craig's Gasseous admission that when he invited the infamous fruit to perform a few minutes of stand-up comedy at one of his upcoming gigs, C.C. was more than happy to oblige.

Yet after well-received sets from emcee Jim Thomas, opener Dan Goodman and middler Shaughn Howard, the startling appearance of C.C. the human Banana threw the audience an unexpected curve.

"I sucked the life right out of the room!" C.C. proudly proclaimed.

Right from the outset, no one in the audience knew quite what to make of the animated fruit or his over-the-top rock & roll flamboyance. He began by addressing the crowd as if he were introducing the Beatles at Shea Stadium:

"HELLLLLLOOOOOO DOYLESTOWN, PENNSYLVANIAAAAAAAAAAAA!"

The large yellow figure belted out his greeting like a banana possessed, shaking his fist in the air and posing like a guitar god from decades past.

"MY NAME... IS... C... C... BANANA!"

The bewildered audience chuckled nervously.

"I am very excited tonight, folks," the Banana continued in his trademark nasal Brooklynese. "Because today, I had a very important audition. With the Fruit of the Loom people."

By now the audience had grown eerily quiet.

"They're paring down the bunch, so to speak. And they're pruning one grape from the vine."

Quieter still.

"Of course, they have yet to seal the peel. They're split between me, and a pomegranate. Some Chinese guy, I think."

C.C. Banana's eyes darted around the unresponsive room, looking for the faintest glimmer of recognition from the audience. Sadly, none was to be found.

"You flatter me, people."

Even when C.C. kicked his act into high gear with several uncanny impersonations (of Muppets Miss Piggy and Animal) and a wickedly insightful jab at Sally Struthers' favorite Feed the Children campaign, the audience just stared blankly at the stage. Nothing the Banana said or did seemed able to crack the puzzled facade upon their faces.

"Again, FLATTERED."

Upon finally wresting one big laugh from the miserly crowd ("Don't call my mother a slut. She's a WHORE. There's a difference.") C.C. Banana called headliner Craig Gass to the stage. Gass was quick to defend his warm-up fruit.

"He's a fucking banana, people! A fucking BANANA!" the comic insisted. "That banana is the funniest fucking thing I've ever seen in my life!"

To be sure, those who were most appreciative of the Banana's antics were the other comics on the bill, all of whom laughed hysterically throughout his set and congratulated him upon his return from the stage.

Strangely, far better received than C.C. Banana himself was Craig Gass' incorporation of the character into his own routine. No less than a dozen references to the yellow fellow somehow found their way into Gass' hysterical 75-minute set, including a proposed meeting between C.C. Banana and Paul Stanley & Gene Simmons of Kiss, and the equally unlikely scenario of "Gilbert Gottfried doing C.C. Banana doing Elvis." At one point Craig comically chastised the audience for not finding C.C. as funny as he and the other comics had:

"Lemme tell you something, folks. That banana is gonna be huge someday! In 5 years, you're gonna see that banana on TV. And you're gonna tell your friends, 'I saw that banana! I saw him before he was famous!' But you didn't appreciate him! Mark my words, that banana is gonna be fucking huge."

So great was Craig's belief in the power of his potassium pal that he actually insisted that C.C. return to perform again the following evening, despite the fruit's own misgivings. "Hey, it's your funeral, pal," the Banana quipped. As it had on Friday, Saturday's performance left the audience similarly befuddled.

But don't cry for him, Our Chiquita. C.C. Banana is hardly hurting for career opportunities. He recently introduced an evening with Bret Michaels at the B.B. King Blues Club in NYC, as well as hosting several dates of the Metal Sludge Extravaganza Tour this past summer. He also reports brisk sales of his new home video Backstage Banana, in which he alternately interviews and offends his glam rock idols. Additionally, C.C. recently starred in the comedic short film Silent But Deadly 3, and has even been approached to sing on an upcoming Saturday morning cartoon tribute CD. "Someone heard about my fractured rendition of ‘I Remember You' by Skid Row, and thought I'd be perfect to ruin one of everybody's childhood favorites." Both projects are scheduled for release sometime in 2004.

But even C.C. Banana admits that he has no idea what form his next misadventure will take. "People keep offering, and I keep accepting! Who am I to tell them they're nuts?"

Indeed, fruits and nuts often make for the tastiest of combinations.

Further information on comedian Craig Gass is available at his website: