C.C. Banana interviews Twisted Sister for Christmas, 12/29/06

C.C. BANANA INTERVIEWS TWISTED SISTER FOR CHRISTMAS! Twisted Sister rocks a packed house during their Twisted Christmas tour!

Season's Greetings from all of us at Metal Sludge!

Over the years we've brought you the occasional holiday surprise, like our hair band Sludgemas carols and our 20 Questions and Rewind with the Metal Sludge staff. Though 2006 has been an especially busy time for us behind the scenes, we wanted to bring you something special to end the year on a high note. And what better way to cap off the holiday season than with a visit from the new kings of Christmas, Twisted Fucking Sister!

Twisted Sister is a band who needs no introduction. Seriously, you already know who they are and we're way too lazy to type all that shit out. Needless to say, their history is well-documented and their career spans some 30 years (even though the band was broken up for about half of those). Since their unlikely reunion for the New York Steel benefit concert in 2001, Twisted Sister has played for hundreds of thousands of fans around the world and even released a new album (of sorts) in the form of "Still Hungry," a revved-up revamp of their landmark "Stay Hungry" record from 1984. Just this past summer, Twisted performed for over 80,000 people when they and The Scorpions closed the Quebec City Summer Festival in Canada. Yet despite the fact that their popularity would seem to be on the rise, certain members of the band (*cough*Dee Snider*cough*) have been dropping some not-so-subtle hints that the end of 2006 would finally see the end of Twisted Sister.

As something of a swan song, the band announced that they would be releasing a heavy metal Christmas album -- a move that left many in the rock community scratching their heads. Surely, a Twisted Sister Christmas album would end their career one way or another. Yet despite the absurdity of it all, the album has done surprisingly well! The band has actually been receiving a considerable amount of mainstream media attention for the first time in ages, appearing on both "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno" and "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson." Dee Snider and Jay Jay French were even interviewed about the project on CNN! Additionally, Twisted Sister gambled on producing a new music video for their metallic rendition of "O Come All Ye Faithful," a song sounding eerily reminiscent of one of their own trademark anthems.

Speaking of high-profile appearances by Twisted Sister, Metal Sludge has played host to more than a few of its own. In 2003, Dee Snider did such an incredible job with his 20 Questions interview that we awarded him a genuine Metal Sludge Super Balls Award (a practice we really hope to get back to someday). Dee then returned in 2005 to do a similarly impressive Halloween-themed Rewind.

The very first "sister" we ever interviewed was guitarist Eddie Ojeda, who did his original 20 Questions way back in the year 2000. Even though Eddie's first effort wasn't so hot, he later redeemed himself with his excellent Rewind in 2001 and his 3-Wind just a few short months ago. In fact, it was none other than ace correspondent C.C. Banana who conducted Eddie's third interview during his so-called Bananiversary Celebration, an event commemorating his five years as the rock & roll fruit.

Well, it looks like C.C. wanted to carve one last notch in his banana belt before his anniversary year came to a close, because he somehow managed to snag the following Christmas-themed interviews on our behalf! Here he is now to fill you in on how it all went down.

C.C. Banana surrounded by Twisted Sister!

Happy Holidays to Metal Sludge!

I couldn't let the old year pass without capturing one last interview for 2006. As you can see, it's a real doozy... because instead of just one, the Banana is slipping you five!

All five members of Twisted Sister, that is!

Though I've encountered these fellows on numerous occasions over the past few years, this is the first time I've managed to wrangle them all up for a bona fide banana interview. On December 22, I had the distinct privilege of taking in their sold-out Twisted Christmas performance at the Starland Ballroom, during which the band executed their heavy metal holiday spectacle. Who would have thought that such a preposterous endeavor could be so damned entertaining?

I offer my thanks to the members of Twisted Sister for participating in the following seasonal celebration. And to all the Sludgeaholics who helped make this year such a milestone for me, I look forward to bringing you more banana shenanigans in 2007.

O Come All Ye Fruitful!

S.M.F. Banana http://www.CCBanana.com http://www.myspace.com/CCBanana

Coincidentally, both Twisted Sister and C.C. Banana were featured in last week's edition of music industry staple "The East Coast Rocker." Twisted is on the outside and inside cover, with the Banana sharing the spotlight on the very next page! You can check it out by clicking on the image below, it actually makes the yellow bastard sound pretty damned impressive.

Twisted Sister and C.C. Banana in the 12/20/06 edition of "The East Coast Rocker!"

Okay, now that everyone is up to speed on what's been happening in the land of Twisted Sister, we bring you the official Metal Sludge Twisted Christmas spectacular!

JAY JAY FRENCH

"After all these years, you guys finally contacted me!"

Twisted Sister on Canada's popular "Breakfast Television" morning program

Now that the holiday season is drawing to a close, are you pleased with the response received by "A Twisted Christmas?"

Yes, it's exceeded all our expectations. It's incredible, nobody could have predicted this. We've doubled the sales expectations of our record label, which really blew our minds. As of today, it has SoundScanned over 65,000 units in the USA alone. And that's after having been on sale for just 9 weeks. They're projecting 75,000 to 80,000 by the time it runs its course.

Plus, we were on "The Tonight Show with Jay Leno," "The Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson" and we appeared on the biggest morning show in Canada. We've become the alternative to the Trans-Siberian Orchestra. We're the Transvestite Siberian Orchestra! I had expected this record to just kill the band once and for all, but now instead I have to keep working with these guys for another couple of years! Overall, I'm really happy with how everything turned out.

What was it like recording a Christmas album during one of the hottest summers on record?

Every Christmas album I know of has been recorded during the summer. Every quote I've ever read has been something like, "When I wrote 'Chestnuts Roasting on an Open Fire' it was 90 degrees outside." All I can say is, my chestnuts were roasting when we recorded this album. It was freakin' hot! We were in a studio on Long Island with the air conditioning turned off, because we wanted to squeeze every last nuance from those 100-watt Marshall amplifiers with no distortion. Just because we care that much!

Was any consideration given to covering the Spinal Tap song "Christmas with the Devil?"

Who knows? There were so many songs up for grabs. I guess that one just didn't make the cut.

Besides "We're Not Gonna Take It," are any of your other hits ripped off from traditional holiday favorites?

We steal from everyone. Most of all, we steal from ourselves because I'm the one who has to sue myself. I'm a litigious son-of-a-bitch! So far I haven't brought suit against my own band, although I am considering it.

What compelled you to shoot the first Twisted Sister music video in almost 20 years?

Honestly, we just decided that it was time to make something new. Plus, we figured that the holiday vibe would work to our advantage. I guess our instincts were right because it became one of the most successful videos of the holiday season. We hit #1 at Yahoo.com as the most humorous video of the year, so it really worked out well for us.

What would you give Axl Rose for Christmas?

I'd give him a watch so he could get his sorry fuckin' ass on stage on time, instead of ripping off his fans. That piece of shit!

Whose stocking do you most want to stuff?

Oh, man... what's that girl's name? Uh... I can't think of it at the moment. But I'll tell you what -- I don't think I need my own stocking stuffed. Not according to my last girlfriend, anyway.

NOTE: We're not sure what Jay Jay was getting at in that answer, but we certainly HOPE he doesn't need his own stocking stuffed. We just figured that kind of thing goes without saying.

Is Lita Ford still hot?

You'd have to ask Dee, I haven't seen her lately. He tells me Lita still looks great. Personally, I'm hoping that all of us continue to look as good. Failing that, I hope our eyesight deteriorates at the same rate as our advancing age!

Which do you think would be more successful -- a Kwanzaa record by Living Colour or Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley recording an album of Chanukah favorites?

I think a Kwanzaa record by 50 Cent would be the ultimate holiday album. I would buy that!

Which weighs more -- Dee Snider's nose or Jay Leno's chin?

I don't know! One resembles an aircraft carrier and the other resembles an eight-car garage. So it's hard to say!

Which one is the aircraft carrier and which is the eight-car garage?

Name one alternate use for a candy cane.

Oooh! A sex aid for reindeer.

Name someone you never got to kiss under the mistletoe.

Hmmm... someone I never got to kiss under the mistletoe... uhhh... hmmm... oh, Jesus...

Jesus?

Yeah! There you go! Jesus! I never kissed Jesus under the mistletoe.

Of the following, which do you prefer?

Silver Bells or Hell's Bells = Well, our "Silver Bells" is so reminiscent of AC/DC anyway. Everything they do is great, so I'll go with "Hell's Bells." White Christmas or Black Sabbath = Uhhh... Purple Haze. Ho Ho Ho or Girls Girls Girls = Well, if you're P. Diddy it's Hoe Hoe Hoe! Yule log or Yul Brynner = I'd answer that, but YOU'LL just ask me another stupid question! Chestnuts or Snowballs = Well, you know what they say. Nuts on a chest are chestnuts. Nuts on a wall are walnuts. Nuts on a chin is a blowjob!

Are you Still Hungry?

Have you looked at our recent photos? Our next album will be called "Still Dieting."

Pick someone else in the band and give him a new year's resolution.

Oh, man... I want to say some shit but I just can't be that cruel. We're all getting along so well these days, I don't want to say anything to mess that up. Let's just say that in the new year I resolve to invest in the Hair Club for Men, then rename it the Hair Club for Motherfuckers. Sick Motherfuckers! SMFs!

Jay Jay French: He's not just the president, he's also a client.

Now that Twisted Sister is holding off on its retirement plans, do you feel bad for making people come to all those "final area appearances?"

We've always been extremely specific in how we've described our final area shows. If we tell people that we're playing our last show at a particular venue while standing 5 feet off-center, we will not play any more shows there while standing 5 feet off-center. So we've never actually reneged on any of those promises.

What would it take for Twisted Sister to record an album of new material?

Um... new material.

What can fans expect from Twisted Sister in 2007?

Another retirement lasting approximately 15 years. After which, we will get together with Kiss, who will change their name from K-I-S-S to A-A-R-P. We will do a final tour of Ft. Lauderdale nursing homes, performing our hits "I Wanna Pee" and "Oy Vey! We're Not Gonna Take It!" We'll play that one when we're offered the enemas.

Thanks for the visual, Jay Jay. For more information on the man who sings about enemas but never got to kiss Jesus, visit the website below. However, we must warn you that it looks like Jay Jay doesn't actually own it yet! Even though it's listed in the booklet of the new Twisted Sister CD, at the moment it's still the homepage of the John Jay French Museum! So if you have any interest in learning about this Texan pioneer from the 1800s, knock yourself out.

http://www.JJFrench.com

A.J. PERO

"I dislocated my thumb and fractured my forefinger on this tour."

A.J. Pero shows C.C. Banana the fingers he injured during the Twisted Christmas tour!

Now that the holiday season is drawing to a close, are you pleased with the response received by "A Twisted Christmas?"

Yes, I am very pleased. What started out being a joke ended up being a very successful project for us. The album came out great and the live shows were even better. Hopefully we can continue our successes over the next few years.

What was it like recording a Christmas album during one of the hottest summers on record?

Well, I had to stick my head in the freezer once in awhile just to remind myself that the album would be released in the winter. Sometimes I would tear up sheets of paper and throw it in the air to pretend like it was snowing, so I wouldn't lose sight of what it was all about.

Was any consideration given to covering the Spinal Tap song "Christmas with the Devil?"

No. In fact, when it came to doing this Christmas album, we really wanted to take it seriously. There are some things in this world that you just don't screw around with, and Christmas music is one of them. I was brought up in a strict Catholic family and that was taboo. When I used to make up new words to Christmas carols, my mother would tell me, "You're gonna go to Hell!"

Besides "We're Not Gonna Take It," are any of your other hits ripped off from traditional holiday favorites?

Ha! That's really the only one that comes to mind. Although for this Christmas album, we did try to connect some of our other songs to holiday classics. We tried to use stuff like "I Wanna Rock" and "Burn In Hell" but it just didn't work. So it looks like "O Come All Ye Faithful" and "We're Not Gonna Take It" will remain the only parallel songs.

What compelled you to shoot the first Twisted Sister music video in almost 20 years?

Well, the record company wanted us to promote the album. Plus, we thought it would be funny to come out with a conceptual video along the lines of "We're Not Gonna Take It." The video reminds me of a typical dysfunctional family, with the husband trying to do the right thing and the wife just being the bitch that she is. Then all of a sudden, she gets Twistified and sees the light! Musically, I think all the songs on the album were well-produced and well-arranged so the video was just the icing on the cake.

Believe it or not, the video also comes in an animated version! (which is available HERE)

What would you give Axl Rose for Christmas?

I don't want to start any feuds here, so I'll just let my head take over instead of my heart. I think I would maybe get him three sessions with a psychiatrist.

Only three?

Well, they say that the people who make the most money are often the least talented. All of us in Twisted Sister are out there busting our asses day after day, night after night. But even though we have a certain amount of recognition, the millions of dollars just aren't there. Some people don't realize how good they have it. As Jay Jay says on stage, when you're making millions of dollars but you spend your time whining that you hate this and you hate that... just take some of that fucking money and buy yourself a psychiatrist! Based on the stories I've heard of the antics Axl has pulled toward his fans... toward the very people who have made him who he is... I find that disgusting. On this tour I played with broken fingers and bronchitis but I went out there and gave a better show than he does on a good night. So I would just like to wish Axl the very best of luck, but that dude really needs to get his head checked.

Whose stocking do you most want to stuff?

Male or female?

Uh... whatever floats your boat, A.J.

Well, I don't want to get myself in trouble here.

Are you married?

Yes.

Well, you can stuff your wife.

Oh, okay. Then I'll stuff her.

Is Lita Ford still hot?

I haven't seen her lately, but I know she has a photo on my MySpace page. Every once in awhile I'll catch myself checking her out.

You'd like to stuff her stocking, wouldn't you?

I plead the fifth.

Which do you think would be more successful -- a Kwanzaa record by Living Colour or Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley recording an album of Chanukah favorites?

I could just imagine Gene and Paul doing that! Personally, I could see both records going neck-and-neck. Everybody has their own way of celebrating the holidays. If it's done in good taste, I don't see anything wrong with either.

Whoa, check out A.J.'s arm! That's not his costume, it's a whole sleeve of tattoos!

Which weighs more -- Dee Snider's nose or Jay Leno's chin?

Is that like the question about which weighs more, a pound of feathers or a pound of coins? Six of one, half a dozen of the other. They're probably both about the same.

Name one alternate use for a candy cane.

I'd like to shove it up the mayor's ass! And I'd have the president stand right behind him.

Name someone you never got to kiss under the mistletoe.

Alison Sweeney from "Days of Our Lives."

Of the following, which do you prefer?

Silver Bells or Hell's Bells = Well, I love playing "Silver Bells" but I love listening to "Hell's Bells." They're both great. White Christmas or Black Sabbath = Actually, I love playing both so it would be a tie. Ho Ho Ho or Girls Girls Girls = Ho Ho Ho, without a doubt. Yule log or Yul Brynner = I think I'll have to go with the Yule log, although Yul Brynner was pretty cool in "The Magnificent Seven." Chestnuts or Snowballs = I'll go with the chest, because I'm nuts.

Are you Still Hungry?

Me? Well, I just had some lasagna and a couple of stuffed mushrooms so probably not. Truthfully, I've never been hungrier than I am right now. I think I'm playing with more intensity and more control than ever before. There's a fire under my ass and I like that!

The Fire Still Burns... under A.J. Pero's ass!

Pick someone else in the band and give him a new year's resolution.

Oh, God! That's a tough one. I think I have to take the easy way out and just wish the other 4 guys in the band lots of happiness and success. You know why? Because if they have the success, then I'm right there with them!

What would it take for Twisted Sister to record an album of new material?

I think if somebody dropped a bag of $5,000,000 on the floor for the five us to split, that would probably do it. After all these years of working hard and struggling, that would finally make it worthwhile for us. To finally be paid what we're worth.

What can fans expect from Twisted Sister in 2007?

I don't really know. That's sort of up in the air at the moment. Every day things change. One day I'm told that we probably won't be doing anything next year, then the next day I'm told that we've been offered a bunch of great gigs. I don't think Twisted Sister is officially done, but I think it's going to be more limited. Which I believe will ultimately be a good thing for us, because it will make the shows we play that much more special.

For more information on the man who enjoys stuffed mushrooms and stuffing his wife, visit A.J.'s official websites below:

http://www.AJPero.com http://www.myspace.com/AJPero

MARK "THE ANIMAL" MENDOZA

"Are you saying you want to insult me? I might have to choke you."

The Animal confronts the Bananimal!

Now that the holiday season is drawing to a close, are you pleased with the response received by "A Twisted Christmas?"

Yes, overwhelmingly.

What was it like recording a Christmas album during one of the hottest summers on record?

It was very hot, of course. Probably one of the hottest moments came when we had Mendoza's Choir doing all the background vocals. We had to shut off the air conditioning because it was making too much noise. We had about 35 people in one room and it literally got to 100 degrees in there. We had to continually shut off the air conditioner, record a few lines, turn it back on, cool everybody off and then get them back in the room again. For those of you who don't know, the background vocals for "A Twisted Christmas" and "Still Hungry" were recorded by a group we called Mendoza's Choir. If you look at the album credits you can find their names, it was a different bunch of people each time. But yeah, it was just very hot.

Was any consideration given to covering the Spinal Tap song "Christmas with the Devil?"

No.

Besides "We're Not Gonna Take It," are any of your other hits ripped off from traditional holiday favorites?

Well, "We're Not Gonna Take It" is of course taken from "O Come All Ye Faithful." But on "A Twisted Christmas" there are some places where we actually borrowed from ourselves. I would say that "I'll Be Home for Christmas" is kind of like "The Price." Also, the beginning of "Deck the Halls" uses a riff from a little-known Twisted song called "Rock N Roll Saviors."

What compelled you to shoot the first Twisted Sister music video in almost 20 years?

Why not?

Seriously, why not?

No, I'm really asking you, Mr. Banana. Why not?

Well, you guys didn't make any videos for "Still Hungry" so most people just figured you weren't doing them anymore.

In a way, we were done with them since there really wasn't anywhere to show them anymore. But with the advent of the internet and all the websites that show these kinds of things, we did have other options. Plus, I really must give credit to VH1 Classics. They were instrumental in making this video happen because they said they would show it.

Mark Mendoza with fellow VH1 veterans Dee Snider and Hulk Hogan

What would you give Axl Rose for Christmas?

I don't know, probably a punch in the face. Don't get me wrong, I like the guy as a performer and a singer. I like Guns N' Roses and all their songs and stuff, but he's been a real asshole as a professional frontman. So yeah, I'd probably punch him in the face if I ever met him.

Whose stocking do you most want to stuff?

What kind of stocking are we talking about here?

You can take that any way you like.

No, I'm asking you. What kind of stocking are we talking about? Be specific.

Maybe the feminine kind?

Well, since I have a long-term girlfriend I'd be in a lot of trouble if I said somebody else.

That's okay, you can stuff her.

And I do. All the time.

Is Lita Ford still hot?

I haven't seen her lately, but I'll tell you a funny story about her. This is not meant to be offensive to her, because Lita's a great gal and I like her a lot. Back in the 1980s, Twisted Sister was headlining a show at a place called The Pier on the west side of Manhattan. We had Ratt as special guest with Lita Ford opening. I hadn't seen Lita since she was in The Runaways years earlier, when I was in The Dictators. Back then, those girls were constantly doped up on drugs and alcohol.

When Lita came backstage that night, I was there standing next to Dee. She ran up to him and said hi and all that, then Dee asked her if she remembered me. She looked over at me and said, "Should I?" So I told her that I was in The Dictators and that I used to hang out with her and The Runaways at the Whiskey-A-Go-Go.

Lita said, "Did we bone?"

She told me not to be insulted because back then she was on all kinds of drugs and alcohol. It was such a crazy time that she just didn't remember. But Lita is a sweetheart and was very receptive to singing and playing some guitar on our Christmas CD. I haven't seen her in years, but I'll bet she's as hot as ever.

Mark Mendoza, one of the few men never to bone Lita Ford.

Which do you think would be more successful -- a Kwanzaa record by Living Colour or Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley recording an album of Chanukah favorites?

A Kwanzaa record by Living Colour!

Which weighs more -- Dee Snider's nose or Jay Leno's chin?

Ha! I think Jay Leno's chin.

Name one alternate use for a candy cane.

Haha! A lickety-split!

Name someone you never got to kiss under the mistletoe.

I'm going to use initials, and it's a female: J.C. -- Nobody will ever figure it out!

NOTE: While we at Metal Sludge are of course glad to know that Mark was in fact referring to a female, we're still hoping to determine just who this mystery crush is. At present we're working under the assumption that it's either Jackie Collins or Julia Child. Or maybe June Cleaver, we're not really sure. We'll let you know if we figure it out.

Of the following, which do you prefer?

Silver Bells or Hell's Bells = That's a tough choice. AC/DC is one of my favorite bands and "Hell's Bells" is right up there on my list. However, "Silver Bells" is one of my favorite songs to play because I have a bass solo at the end. So that's a tough one, I can't pick between the two. White Christmas or Black Sabbath = What, no yellow? Come on, you're the Banana! Well, Twisted Sister was heavily influenced by Black Sabbath, so I'd have to say that without Black Sabbath there would be no "White Christmas." Ho Ho Ho or Girls Girls Girls = Aren't they one and the same? Yule log or Yul Brynner = Yule log! Chestnuts or Snowballs = Chestnuts!

Are you Still Hungry?

Always.

Pick someone else in the band and give him a new year's resolution.

That's a good one because I'm leaving myself open to saying a lot of things and possibly ending the band! No, I'm kidding. There's actually a lot of good will in the band right now, even though we just spent the past 4 weeks together. As you know, we did a short tour for "A Twisted Christmas," including all the TV shows and stuff like that. That's something we haven't done since the 1980s. But the scheduling was absolutely hellacious. This band loves playing live but the traveling just kills us.

Obviously, Twisted Sister is not a full-time thing for any of us. We only play about 25 shows a year, but many of them require up to 30 hours of traveling. That eats up a lot of time. Sometimes we're not even on the ground for 16 hours. If someone were to invent a real "Star Trek" transporter to take us to the shows from our living room couches, I think Twisted Sister would play 100 times a year. All that traveling takes us away from our day-to-day business and that makes it tough for all of us.

But as far as giving someone, uh... could you repeat the question?

Pick someone else in the band and give him a new year's resolution.

I would say it would have to be Jay Jay, but let me see how I can word this: May the new year bring everything that we need it to bring, because so far it's been amazing. The actual resolution part of it is... let's allow the cards to fall where they fall. Twisted forever, forever twisted.

Wow! We're not quite sure where Mark was going there at the end... but it sure sounded cool, didn't it?

What can fans expect from Twisted Sister in 2007?

Well, we just played our last show of the year a few days ago in Atlantic City. Right now, we have absolutely nothing planned for 2007. Does that mean that nothing is going to happen? No. We just need to take it day by day and month by month. If something big comes up and it's worth doing, we'll probably do it.

We're trying to not do so many European festivals this year. When most bands go to Europe, they stay there for a few weeks. When Twisted Sister goes to Europe, we have to fly back and forth every other weekend. We've done that 4 years in a row, so now we're a little burned out on it.

The only thing we've really talked about is continuing the Christmas thing for next year. Beyond that, we have absolutely nothing planned. That doesn't mean that the band is done, it just means that we have no plans yet.

For more information on the man who once had a crush on a mystery female with the initials J.C. visit the MySpace page of Mark's radio show below:

http://www.myspace.com/AnimalTactics

EDDIE OJEDA

"Let's do this now, I have to take back this rent-a-car."

Eddie Banana and C.C. Ojeda!

Now that the holiday season is drawing to a close, are you pleased with the response received by "A Twisted Christmas?"

Yes, definitely. We're more than pleased. It's been tremendous. We're actually back on the Billboard charts, which is pretty hard to believe. We were hoping the album would do well, but we had no idea it would do this well. We're thrilled.

What was it like recording a Christmas album during one of the hottest summers on record?

That's the way Christmas albums are done. They're always done in the summer. It did feel weird but it definitely put me in the Christmas spirit.

Was any consideration given to covering the Spinal Tap song "Christmas with the Devil?"

Uhhh... no. I haven't seen that movie in a while so I guess I forgot about that song. Although as Dee likes to say, "A Twisted Christmas" would have made both Jesus and Satan proud!

Besides "We're Not Gonna Take It," are any of your other hits ripped off from traditional holiday favorites?

No. Although for this album we did borrow vibes from other bands like AC/DC, Judas Priest and Thin Lizzy. "Silver Bells" has a "Problem Child" kind of feel to it and "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" is done kind of like "You've Got Another Thing Coming." We just sort of borrowed grooves from some of our favorite bands and worked them into Christmas arrangements.

What compelled you to shoot the first Twisted Sister music video in almost 20 years?

I'm not sure, but that video ended up being really cool and funny. It was a blast to make, just like it was back in the old days. We always had fun making our videos and we always tried to do stuff with a sense of humor. Nowadays people take days to shoot a video. We did our new one all in one day... in one location and in one room! I was actually pretty thrilled with the way it turned out, all things considered. It definitely came together well.

Eddie "Fingers" Ojeda trips the light fantastic!

What would you give Axl Rose for Christmas?

A watch!

NOTE: For those of you keeping score at home, Eddie is the second member of Twisted Sister to suggest that Axl needs a watch for Christmas! So either they've discussed this topic before or the man is just easy to buy for.

Whose stocking do you most want to stuff?

This month, I guess it would be Jennifer Connelly. She's a lovely young lady.

NOTE: We can't be sure, but since Jennifer Connelly has the initials J.C. it's quite possible that she is the woman Mark Mendoza wanted to kiss beneath the mistletoe. We'll update you if this theory pans out. By the way, we have since ruled out diet guru Jenny Craig.

Is Lita Ford still hot?

Yes, she definitely is. I haven't seen her for a while but I've seen pictures. She's just one of those beautiful women who age gracefully. She really takes care of herself so I'm sure she'll always be a hottie.

Which do you think would be more successful -- a Kwanzaa record by Living Colour or Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley recording an album of Chanukah favorites?

I'd have to go with Living Colour doing a Kwanzaa record, although I'm not sure if that's politically correct.

Which weighs more -- Dee Snider's nose or Jay Leno's chin?

Oh, boy! That's really close! I'd probably have to go with Dee. I think he has more poundage in his schnozola.

Name one alternate use for a candy cane.

There are probably multiple uses for it in different situations. I would have to say... sniffing it. You can figure things out from there.

Yet another alternate use for a candy cane: playing it in concert!

Name someone you never got to kiss under the mistletoe.

Cheeta the chimpanzee from the old Tarzan movies.

Of the following, which do you prefer?

Silver Bells or Hell's Bells = I love our version of "Silver Bells" but I'm an AC/DC fan so I have to go with "Hell's Bells." White Christmas or Black Sabbath = We're talking about a classic band here, so I have to go with Black Sabbath. Ho Ho Ho or Girls Girls Girls = Ho Ho Ho, hands down. Yule log or Yul Brynner = Yule Brynner's log! Chestnuts or Snowballs = I think they're both closely related, but I'll go with the snowballs.

Are you Still Hungry?

Yes! Especially when I wake up in the morning.

Pick someone else in the band and give him a new year's resolution.

I would pick Mark Mendoza. He needs to take some anger management classes!

What can fans expect from Twisted Sister in 2007?

I'm not sure what we're going to do next, but we're definitely not going anywhere. We thought that the Christmas album might totally bury our career, but instead people are calling it our comeback album. So hopefully we'll do some cool things in 2007. Personally, I plan to do some solo stuff with my own band as well as working with other artists and playing on other albums. So even though it probably won't be a hectic schedule like the last few years, Twisted will probably play a few special gigs.

Eddie, is it safe to assume that your friends and family will all be receiving copies of your solo album for Christmas?

Well, it depends. I may have to charge a few of them for it. But I'll give them the Eddie Ojeda discount, maybe $2.00 off. Although if they want the autographed version, that's a different story. They may be family and friends, but I still have bills to pay!

To find out if you qualify for the Eddie Ojeda discount, visit his official websites below:

http://www.EddieOjeda.com http://www.myspace.com/EddieOjeda

DEE SNIDER

"I really wanted to talk to you guys because I figured the biggest cynics would be in your reading audience."

Dee Snider prepares to take a bite out of C.C. Banana!

Now that the holiday season is drawing to a close, are you pleased with the response received by "A Twisted Christmas?"

I am stunned with the response we've received! Doing this Christmas record was supposed to be career suicide. We knew that the only thing we had to lose was airplay and television coverage. Since we were getting neither, we had nowhere to go but up!

What was it like recording a Christmas album during one of the hottest summers on record?

You know something? You really haven't lived until you've seen Mark "The Animal" Mendoza in a pair of shorts. Working as producer of our album in a very hot studio, he was forced to break out the summer cruise wear. Me, I never wear shorts. That's just a personal choice. So it was hot! We were recording at a local studio that we'd chosen mostly for convenience, not because it was the greatest studio in the world. The air conditioning was an in-wall unit that needed to be turned off while we were recording. So whenever I did a vocal, they needed to shut the damn thing off. And after a few takes, it would get mighty sweaty in there! So ultimately, it was not very Christmas-like.

Was any consideration given to covering the Spinal Tap song "Christmas with the Devil?"

Um... zero consideration. Not that I'm not a fan of Spinal Tap! The idea from the get-go was to do traditional Christmas songs for headbangers to listen to. It was actually Jay Jay who proposed the idea. I figure if a Jew suggests doing a Christmas album, you should probably go with it!

Jay Jay's suggestion brought me back to one Christmas in the early 1980s when I was really fed up, listening to some crappy Europop disco Christmas song. Being a dunderheaded hardcore headbanger, I thought, "Where's the fucking metal Christmas songs?"

So I decided that I would call Iron Maiden and AC/DC and Judas Priest and Thin Lizzy and Motorhead and get everybody to each do a song, and we'd make a real metal Christmas album. I could hear AC/DC doing "Silver Bells" and Maiden doing "White Christmas." But when I got back on the road I just kind of forgot about it. So when Jay Jay suggested the Christmas album recently, I remembered myself as that angry young headbanger and decided to trust his instincts instead of mine (a not-so-angry, 50-something headbanger).

Besides "We're Not Gonna Take It," are any of your other hits ripped off from traditional holiday favorites?

Ha! I'll have to ask Al Pitrelli! During a van ride between Widowmaker shows back in the early 1990s, we were talking about famous songs that were derivative of other songs. I was driving while Al was going through this list and at one point he said that "We're Not Gonna Take It" is actually "O Come All Ye Faithful." And I went silent! I just stared at him. He said, "Dude, you didn't know?" I really didn't! So he started singing the melodies and I thought, "Holy shit!" I had no idea. It's actually just those 6 notes, then from there it proceeds to rip off the Sex Pistols and Slade. So when it came time to do to this Christmas album, I figured we should finally out ourselves and just record the song. 19 years of singing in the church choir had finally paid off!

The end result of 19 years of singing in the church choir.

What are the odds of you recording a duet of "The Magic of Christmas" with Celine Dion?

Slim! But recording that song with Twisted Sister is much more likely. There's already talk of "A Twisted Christmas, Too." We're going to corner the market on hair metal Christmas songs! The first time around, we discussed the idea of including that song but we just never got around to it. If we do a follow-up record, I could definitely see us recording that song... although I don't think Celine will be showing up.

Will you be giving anyone the Dee Snider Halloween costume for Christmas?

No, but I should! What a great fucking idea! How awesome would that be? Man, that would piss off my brothers and sisters. Especially because they resent me as it is! This year everybody was at my house and I was playing "A Twisted Christmas" on a loop, just hammering it into their psyches. We do a family grab bag each year, so that would have been fucking hysterical! I'll have to remember that for next year.

Have you ever worn the Dee Snider Halloween costume?

Yes, the original prototype! I've worn it for many years.

What compelled you to shoot the first Twisted Sister music video in almost 20 years?

Well, the guys really wanted to do a video. I was the one who kept saying, "But who's gonna fucking play it?" First of all, we had no money. Plus, I figured that nobody would even give a shit! We had to be realistic in considering something like this because we're not the hottest new act. We're not even the hottest old act, for that matter. But the guys were saying that we could put the video on YouTube and on our own website and stuff like that. So for $5.00 and change we made a new video.

We'd literally gone from one extreme to the other. I mean, Twisted Sister invented the high-budget, big production video. That didn't exist before us. Videos like "We're Not Gonna Take It" and "I Wanna Rock" were like little movies and cost six figures to make. Each one was a fucking film production done in one or two days. We'd arrive on the set and there would be hair stylists, make-up people, wardrobe people, catering, everything. Now in 2006, the glorious Twisted Sister shows up to shoot a video and there's a box of Dunkin' Munchkins and coffee! How the mighty have fallen!

It was just the hokiest production you could imagine. We ended up borrowing someone's house for the shoot. We actually used their Christmas decorations! Eddie had a friend with a camera, so we used that guy to shoot it. It was like one of those old movies with Mickey Rooney and Judy Garland: "Hey, I have a barn! My dad's got a stage! Let's put on a show!" So this was definitely not glamorous.

That being said, the video has been one of the top videos at Yahoo.com, one of the most-viewed holiday videos at YouTube, stuff like that. It just popped up all over the place. Us old fucks took our cue from the young fucks, basically because we had no choice. A lot of the old bands are flustered by the new music scene -- the internet downloading and the revenue loss and all that stuff. In our case, we had no revenue stream. We do make money from our live shows but we don't sell huge amounts of records these days. And as far as radio airplay or video airplay, we don't have a lot of that either. So we were forced to go to the internet, where new bands now go by default. Fortunately, it worked for us. So yes, the old dogs learned some new tricks!

Just like Captain Howdy in "Strangeland," Twisted Sister now invades your home via the internet.

Now that you've recorded a Christmas album with Twisted Sister and a Halloween album with Van Helsing's Curse, are there any other holidays you'd like to tackle? A collection of love songs for Valentine's Day, perhaps?

I'm glad you brought that up! I've actually had my eye on Memorial Day. It's a big holiday weekend and it's also the start of summer. Plus there's the additional element of the service men who dedicate their lives to protecting us. So I've got a concept album in mind. A whole new project! Please mark your calendars.

What would you give Axl Rose for Christmas?

A watch!

NOTE: Yep, that makes 3 out of 5 members of Twisted Sister who would give Axl Rose the gift of time.

I'm telling you, he should wear a big Flavor Flav clock around his neck! So I'd probably give him one of those. And maybe a roasted lamb.

A roasted lamb?

Yeah, apparently he likes roasted lamb. We hear all kinds of stories from promoters, stuff most people probably don't even know about. A lot of times, Twisted Sister will come to town soon after Guns N' Roses has played there. Or Rose N' Roses, as I like to call them! This one promoter said that Axl had demanded a roasted lamb dinner an hour or so before the band was supposed to perform, or he wouldn't go on stage. Then there was the story about Axl insisting that a helicopter pick him up from the middle of nowhere. He called in around midnight and said, "I need a helicopter to come get me and bring me to the show!"

Another really good one was told to us by a promoter in Spain. Axl was running a couple of hours late and he still wasn't ready to go on stage. Naturally, the crowd was getting restless. We were told that one of the promoters actually pulled out a gun and put it to the head of Axl's tour manager! He said that he would literally shoot the tour manager if Axl did not get on stage! Remember my theory about putting a gun to Axl's head? (as made in Dee's original 20 Questions interview) Well, I guess it also works if you put a gun to the head of someone Axl cares about, because he was on stage within 15 minutes! This apparently did not make the press, but we were there the next night and the promoters told us about it.

So what you're saying is... you'd give Axl Rose a watch for Christmas?

Yes. Hey, wouldn't it be funny if somebody actually gave him a watch and all his problems suddenly went away? Maybe nobody's ever thought of that before! Maybe that's all it would take! Give him a fucking watch! It's as simple as that.

Hey Axl, got one of these?

Whose stocking do you most want to stuff?

Being a guy, I pretty much want to stuff the stocking of every woman I see. If I was on the loose, I would probably be a "quantity man" rather than a "quality man!" But since I retired many years ago, I'm pretty much obsessed with stuffing my wife's stocking. She's kept herself in amazing shape and that keeps me on the straight and narrow. We actually just renewed our wedding vows, celebrating our 25 years of marriage. We did it on stage at the end of a Van Helsing's Curse show in Las Vegas. Penn Jillette officiated over the wedding, so it was more symbolic than anything else. In Penn's own words: "And by the power vested in me... which is pretty much fucking none... I now pronounce you husband and wife."

Is Lita Ford still hot?

Yes! Lita and I are good friends and I am happy to inform guys everywhere that Lita is still hot. Although she's off the market and married to Jim Gillette.

Is he any relation to Penn?

No. Jim used to be the singer for Nitro and is now a successful land developer. He's invested their money and they're living happily ever after on an island in the Caribbean. In a huge, beautiful home right on the fucking ocean! Lita and Jim have two kids, James and Rocco. Our families often vacation together and everyone gets along really well.

A few years ago when Rocco was less than a year old, we were visiting them on the island. We were sitting out by the pool when I noticed that Lita was nursing little Rocco. And right on her boob was a huge tattoo of a dragon! Rocco was literally SUCKING the dragon! I said, "Hey Lita! When you got that tattoo, did you ever imagine any of that going on down there?" She looked down and laughed and admitted that she hadn't. So consider this a word of warning to all you girls out there when contemplating a tattoo! I once told this story to a radio DJ who said that would be a great title for Lita's comeback album: "Sucking the Dragon!"

Which do you think would be more successful -- a Kwanzaa record by Living Colour or Gene Simmons and Paul Stanley recording an album of Chanukah favorites?

Oh, shit! I would fucking buy that! I would pony up my money and pay full record company list price for a Simmons/Stanley Chanukah record! A real Witz/Eisen collection of Chanukah hits! God, I'd be on line at the store waiting for that fucking album to come out! I love that idea!

Which weighs more -- your nose or Jay Leno's chin?

Well! My nose would probably have beaten Leno's chin.... before I had several pounds trimmed off! I actually had some work done to my nose in the late 1980s. When I tell people that, they don't believe me! "You're kidding, right? It's still huge!" Seriously, I had sinus troubles and septum issues and stuff like that. So I told the doctor that while he was in there tearing it up, he should also lop a couple of slices off the end!

But to answer your question, today I think Leno would win. He's got me beat by a nose!

With a nose like that, Santa wouldn't need a sack to carry his toys!

Name one alternate use for a candy cane.

Well, my mind went right to "rectal thermometer." But I guess you could also use it for a dipstick.

Is it nice to have the Desperado album finally receive an official release?

Yes. 20 years later and without any fanfare! Not even a confetti cannon or one of those little party poppers. But yes, it's great to have it officially available. There was actually a bootleg out there for years, but I never bothered pursuing it. How many copies could they possibly have sold, a few hundred? Quite honestly, I was just happy that people were able to hear the music. I happen to think that the Desperado album featured some of my best writing and vocal performances. On my iPod I do not have any Twisted Sister music. I love Twisted Sister music, but I hear it often enough. However, I do have Desperado music on my iPod. That music never received any airplay and it was never toured, so I'm glad that it's finally available to be heard.

Which will see the light of day first, "Chinese Democracy" or "Strangeland II?"

Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha!

NOTE: There is no way to do it justice in print, but at this point Dee lets out one of the biggest laughs we've ever heard. Seriously, it goes on for about 10 seconds and sounds like he's in pain or giving birth or something. It actually reminds us of a Count Dracula laugh, which is sort of appropriate since Dee once filed down his own teeth into fangs. Apparently the Banana struck a nerve with his remark.

That's GOOD! That's fucking GOOD! Oh, that is GOOD! You're right, I've been talking about that fucking project for as long as Axl! And you just made me realize it! Oh, man! That is fucking good. Back at ya, Snider! I will have to call myself out on that in my podcast.

From the Metal Sludge archives: the very first Sludge capture of Dee Snider! (from the New York Steel concert on 11/28/01)

In my defense, I do have an excuse! The U.S. government seized the property and arrested the CFO of The Shooting Gallery, the production company who made the first "Strangeland." So I was in court fighting to get my property back for 5 fucking years! I did finally get it back this past year and now Lions Gate Entertainment says that they'd like to pick it up. Their exact words were, "We want to make the sequel." But getting it from there into movie theaters is going to be a long fucking road.

Lions Gate does have plans to release an extended cut of the original "Strangeland" on DVD in July 2007. We're even going to be shooting a new scene, which will be attached to the end of the movie as a teaser for the next one. After it fades to black, it will now fade up on an autopsy. That will be the opening scene for the sequel, which will be called "Strangeland: Disciple."

But knowing Axl, I feel comfortable saying that even if this film takes me another 10 years... I'll still beat that fucker to the punch!

Of the following, which do you prefer?

Silver Bells or Hell's Bells = Oh, man! That's a toss-up! White Christmas or Black Sabbath = Black Sabbath. Ho Ho Ho or Girls Girls Girls = Ho Ho Hoes! Yule log or Yul Brynner = Yul Brynner. He was awesome in "Westworld." And "Futureworld!" Chestnuts or Snowballs = I'm gonna have to go with chestnuts.

Are you Still Hungry?

Not really.

Not after the chestnuts, eh?

Yeah, I'm pretty full. That's part of the problem!

Pick someone else in the band and give him a new year's resolution.

Okay... hmmm... let me see... gosh, there are so many I could think of... boy, this is a tough one... hmmm... I want to pick something good... uhhh... hmmm... oooh... man, there's just too many to pick! I can't pick just one! Let me see, uh... oh, shit! I've got to pass!

I'm sorry, it was just getting too dark in there!

Now that Twisted Sister is holding off on its retirement plans, do you feel bad for making people come to all those "final area appearances?"

Yes! I feel horrible! I wasn't kidding when I said that I wanted to end it. I really meant it! It's all these other people that keep booking more shows for us. I'm telling you, it's not me! I've always been the one saying that we're done after this year. But then they keep booking new things!

The Twisted Christmas show comes complete with its own indoor snowstorm!

What can fans expect from Twisted Sister in 2007?

Very little! Less than ever, in fact. Probably another push at the end of the year to promote "A Twisted Christmas" again because it was so well-received. There's gold in them there hills! Lita Ford has actually agreed to appear in a video for "I'll Be Home For Christmas," if we ultimately decide to shoot one. And as I said, there's also the possibly of a follow-up Christmas album.

What would it take for Twisted Sister to record an album of new material?

You'd have to get that promoter from Spain to put a gun to my head.

For more information on the hardest working man in show business (who coincidentally shares a birthday with our own C.C. Banana), visit any of Dee's websites below:

http://www.DeeSnider.com http://www.VanHelsings-Curse.com http://www.DeeSnidersStrangeland.com

Alright Sludgeaholics, that wraps up this year's Metal Sludge Christmas celebration! With 5 Twisted interviews in total, that was probably the most testosterone we've ever featured on one page! We learned a lot of cool stuff about what went into making Twisted Sister's Christmas album such a success. More importantly, we learned that the guys can totally hang with us here at Metal Sludge, answering all of our retarded questions in stride. Plus, we really enjoyed all the Axl Rose bashing that went on -- especially that one story Dee told about the Spanish promoter putting a gun to the head of Axl's tour manager. Fucking priceless! We really should hit up the rest of the band for full 20 Questions interviews one of these days.

Oh, and according to our official Metal Sludge investigation, the identity of Mark Mendoza's secret mistletoe crush is...

Joanie Cunningham.

As always, we extend a great big Sludgeaholic thank-you to the amazing C.C. Banana, who continues to snag interviews with some of the biggest names in the business. This massive Twisted Christmas article proved to be a fitting epilogue to his triumphant Bananiversary Celebration and we're grateful that he took the time to put the whole thing together for us. Thanks also to Danny Stanton at Coallier Entertainment for helping to coordinate the event and for providing many of the awesome photos above. Finally, for more information about the seemingly immortal Twisted Sister, visit their official website or MySpace page below.

http://www.TwistedSister.com http://www.myspace.com/TwistedSister

In closing, we leave you with this holiday sentiment from everybody's favorite fruit. See you next year, folks!

Metal Sludge Sludge Bells Ring, Are You Listening?

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